"I hadn't thought about him for three or four years, and I'd stopped wanting to think about him for a lot longer before that. The more it faded into the past, the more I realised that there wasn't anything that I could do but keep it locked up inside me and learn to live with it. It wasn't easy, but at least for the first few years I had all of the nightmares to myself. I could wake up sweating and shivering, and yet at the same time be a little relieved that it was my red wagon - and only one other person knew I was pulling it. But then in 1948 I married Carol, and still the nightmares didn't stop..."